Things For Which I Find No Words

In life, no matter how eloquent a wordsmith you are, there will always be moments and things you cannot fully describe.

Like how you freeze up in the fumbling darkness and in the flash of a minute, propel yourself towards a lifelong regret as you realise in the bloody aftermath that you had a chance to prevent it – but just didn’t know how to take it then.

It’s in the way you wish you could turn back time, not to apologise or to set things right but because you’d like to add that you actually meant what you said there – and probably always will.

Or how you wait for a moment, wait with all your might, for something you have spent countless hours dreaming about but never imagined was still possible – only to discover it’s here to take you gently by the hand and shield you even from your own mistakes.

These are the things in our lives for which we have no words. Elation, heartache, self-loathing, unspeakable joy and worst of all, numb acceptance… these are all things that cannot be put into or conveyed through words.

You can’t contain the happiest day of your life in even the most well-thought out description.

You cannot shape into words the deepest betrayal a woman (or man) may ever know – dealt to them by those once considered to be good friends.

And you certainly cannot express the highest possible feeling of wholeness, of breathtaking human perfection, that any of us can share.

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There are so many things that cannot be strung together by words and as a passionate writer, it always surprises me to reach this revelation but never more than it has of late.

It’s in the way I cannot, even if I tried, describe to you the most gloriest experience I’ve ever known, any more than I can express the hollowness left behind in the bones of former friend’s wake.

Perhaps though, the most surprising thing of all is learning that sometimes, no words are needed at all.

Sometimes, you take the words that are hurled at you in fury and you let them find their marks because the strongest proof that you are better than your would-be verbal attacker lies in choosing not to reply and thus refusing to rise to their most pitiful challenge.

Sometimes choosing to say “Thank you for everything, the good and the bad alike,” or “I forgive you but good-bye” are the most powerful ways you can allow another’s guilt to sink in.

And above all, sometimes in the most beautiful moments of your life, when there are no words to describe what or how you feel, when you are so overcome by emotion that it renders you speechless and leaves you breathless… you realise that, even as a writer, words are not always needed – for it is actions – and not words – that will always speak loudest of all.

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