I often wonder why I was born in the so-called month of Love. It should have been April but it seems I have always been an impatient one… So February it was and exactly two weeks before Valentine’s Day to add insult to injury. It is a bit of a joke, really, my being born then, considering that I am, by my own admissions, rather hopeless when it comes to hitting on lasting love.
Photo credit: http://www.facebook.com
I don’t mean to sound bitter here, for you see, it’s not that I am not romantically inclined or that I don’t love chocolate, flowers and fluffy animals as much as the next girl (maybe more, in fact) but the thing is, I hate the idea of people feeling compelled to buy someone a dozen blood red roses or the biggest chocolate slab in existence to prove that they care. What’s love got to do, got to do with that?
Photo credit: google images
Let me pass on a little secret to you: you cannot buy someone’s love so don’t even try. People either love you or they don’t, and if they are so shallow as to require that you take them out to dinner or buy them a giant bunny rabbit with ‘I Love U’ stitched across its chest, otherwise it’s a sign that you don’t love them enough or at all, then there is something a little off there, I feel…
The people who well and truly love you won’t care if you wish them a ‘Happy V-Day!’ or if you send them a box of chocolate truffles wrapped in gold, for they will love you on February 13th and I promise, whatever happens this year on the 14th, they will go on loving you the day after as well.
I’ve never had a Valentine and the most romantic thing I ever received from someone was a sunset photo so maybe I’m just used to not holding out for much in this regard – and truthfully, I would like someone to give me flowers or to buy me a stuffed Minion toy or something ridiculously cheesy, yet equally sweet just once someday – but I am not going to sit languishing on the 14th when another Valentine’s Day comes and goes and I am one of the many single people on the day.
Photo credit: google images
I don’t give a toss about my relationship status either so I won’t be wearing black to mourn my lot and I certainly won’t be drowning my sorrows and crooning away to Mariah Carey because nobody wants me and it supposedly sucks to be single.
You know what’s worse than not having a Valentine year in and year out? How about not having a mother on Mother’s Day or a father on Father’s Day? So maybe there are worse days to be without special someone than on the 14th of Feb., eh?
What’s more, for many, Valentine’s is just a heartbreaking day or bittersweet and sickening, even.
When everyone around you is pretending to celebrate love (like that’s a thing… how about you just love unconditionally and willingly and try prove it as often as you can in simple, yet telling ways instead of going out of your way once a year and only once a damn year), you might be going through a wretched divorce, navigating a messy break-up or burying the love of your life… so please, don’t confuse a stupid, commercialised day with real love and devotion.
I am not saying you can’t spoil the one you adore on Valentine’s… I hope you do take that woman you’ve had your eye on for absolute ages out to dinner or that the boy you’ve been crushing on for months asks you to be his Valentine – but more than that, I hope you take the time to realise that love is not about how much you receive, it’s about how much you give away.
Also, bear in mind that people have so many different ways of expressing love and affection. There is no right or wrong way to show you care and one day is not the be-all and end-all of your future together and it’s certainly not a defining point in your relationship.
All those lovey dovey couples who come out of the shadows to masquerade their love once a year? They fight, hurt and bleed just the same as the couple who can’t afford to go out to dinner but still they’re crazy about each other or the ones who sit in sullen silence because he forgot that Valentine’s matters and she is pissed off about it. They might put on a great show of it on the day but honestly, their problems do not fade simply because they can afford to splash out or lavish each other with gifts and that designer love don’t mean nothing at all if it’s just there to keep up appearances.
I hope that if I ever am in a relationship when Valentine’s rolls around (to the resounding sound of ‘ugh’ uttered the world over) that my man will sense that I don’t need him to take me out to dinner or spoil me on that day for me to believe he loves and cares for me. It’s not to say that I’ll refuse to let him in the door if he comes bearing a bottle of white wine and sinful dark chocolate or painstakingly agrees to binge watch all six seasons of Downton Abbey or Atonement as I splutter and coo beside him but I won’t expect it. I won’t need it. It will just be one of the many bonuses that make life and love worthwhile.
Whatever happens, I hope we’ll never turn into one of those obnoxious couples who feel that it is their solemn duty and moral obligation to remind everyone else of the fact that they are in a relationship… No, we don’t need to see photos of you making out a hundred times a month on your social media feeds or to hear about how wonderful your man is in every status update. We believe you, we just don’t really care, sweetheart. (Any wonder #ValentinesMustFall was trending recently?)
Photo credit: http://www.9gag.com
Whether you are single or not this Valentine’s, whether you are going strong or walking on uncertain ground, whether you have loved and lost or you are head-over-heels and still falling, don’t be spiteful or nasty about it. Have the decency to respect that other people are entitled to be in love even if you are single and dying to mingle, and in that same vein, to all the couples out there, if you are one half made whole (nearly), then be quietly subtle and appreciative, not annoying, about your combined happiness.
Above all though, remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and that, whether we believe it or not, whether it matters or it doesn’t, we will all be loved by someone throughout each stage of our lives and we don’t need a silly day, crammed full of paper hearts or jokes about Cupid’s shoddy aim, to remind us that love is free, inexpensive and exists right the year round.
If you love someone, I hope you find the courage to tell them but it should not have to be on any set day or in any set way… love doesn’t work like that – and that’s the real reason I have and always will love to hate V-Day because it will always be a reminder of the fact that rather than our spreading love, we are limiting it by trying to force it into a heart-shaped box, when it was intended to be immeasurable and as free as it is true.
Posted from WordPress for Android by T.A.Ryan